Day 19

My birthday.

I sit here, listening to a CD from C, entitled 'Beauty in Meaning'. The first song is 'Helplessly Hoping' by CSNY. All the words are so meaningful -- "the sound of goodbye"/"the empty place inside". I miss her so much. I talked to her on the phone, and R for the first time and my parents. I cried on the phone with C - she ordered a poster for me, and I opened it while I talked to her -- Willow and Tara, from "Once More With Feeling". Speaking of, 'Standing' is the second song. I never cry with this song, but I just might now. Like before, it's just a culmination of so many things - it's my birthday, everyone sang to me here - God, now the reprise of 'Standing/Under Your Spell'. I just her Amber Benson's voie and the tears came to my eyes.

...

I can't write.
C, what have you done? Now, 'I Can't Take My Eyes Off You'.
I've never sobbed on my birthday before.
I had so many things I wanted to write about, but they're all gone now. I can't think.
My gifts - a magnet from my mom that says "wherever you go, go with all your heart", and from her embroidery floss, and a poster with the historical meaning of the name Tara. She's a goddess -- really!
A big teddy bear and a Thai learning book (that I already have) from my host family - 4 cakes.
Now 'That Kind of Love'. I think I should lie down.

Music has such power over me.