Day 11

Midday

Today was my first day of school, and I had to make a speech and I was so nervous. I was physically shaking and I was treated like a movie star, and all I can think about is the book I'm reading - "The Perks of Being a Wallflower".

The book amazes me. The writing is the way I think - the pace, the inconsistency and yet flow, the feelings. On pages 95-96, and 93, I've connected so deeply and earnestly with the book that it makes my heart speed up. He talks about feeling that everything that is new and wonderful to you (books, songs) has all been felt by someone before. He talks about wanting to cry less because when he cries for something he really cares about he doesn't want it to mean less. It is just wonderful.

I really understand the author, and it is wonderful. It makes me feel infinite.

Nighttime

Now I can talk about school = I went and was so nervous. I could barely eat breakfast. I got there and heads began to turn even as I stayed in the car. Once I got out, outright stares followed me, and giggles, and sweet, innocent smiles. A few people dared a "Hello!" which I returned with a smile, but mostly I was worried about my speech. After the national anthem, and prayer, I was introduced and presented with a bouquet and a present (which I later discovered contained a backpack, P.E. uniform, and yellow t-shirt). They gave my host parents a bouquet, too. Then, I had to speak. I just said, "Sawat dee ka" and all the students applauded. I smiled, and knew I could go on. I did, and finished. Later, after visiting the university for an arts and crafts exhibition, I was going to the car with Kun Mae, and a bunch of girls followed me, giggling. One of them said after a few minutes - "You...beautiful!" and it was so sweet. Then, they muttered something and Kun Mae said "They like to know where you from?" and I said, "America." "OOOOH!" they all said! It was so funny!

As I sat in Adjan Samlee's office, a young girl came in. She was crying, and said nothing. I can't speak enough Thai to know how to ask "what's wrong?" or "are you okay?", so I had to just sit there. Finally, I remembered that I had a tissue in my bag and I gave it to her. She gave a muffled "Kop-koodn ka." through her tears, and we sat again ~~ silence.

Today I felt truly happy, and not just because of the attention. I was just happy. I read some of 'Perks of Being a Wallflower", and I listened to 'Zak and Sara'. And I was happy. Truly.